February 2012
3 posts
1 tag
So I got a handwritten note from the...
Um.
Excuse me.
Just because you scanned them in does not mean you can just “lose” them.
And I have been asking for them back since surgery, and the neurosurgeon told me every time that it is in the office, so I should contact the secretary to get them back.
Why are they not in the office?
I would very much like those films back.
Electronic files don’t mean anything to me. ...
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Exactly 2 months ago, I was lying in the ICU...
That was a very dramatic way of saying, “I had my surgery exactly 2 months ago.”
So much love and thanks to everyone around and far who have made this recovery so much more manageable for me, and who kept me up and going when I wanted to just curl up and never move again.
I am back in college, while my friends are freaking out that they have 99 days before graduation.
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I went to my orthodontist because my mom was...
And one of the secretaries told us that TWO of her cousins had AVM’s sizes of oranges removed when they were in their 20’s.
…. And the cousins weren’t sisters.
Maybe my sister really should get an MRI taken…
January 2012
13 posts
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Welp.
The large bruise from when I fell into that large pipe in the ground 2 months ago is still there and welp…
My scalp and face are so constantly irritated it is very annoying… I’m using baby shampoo and soft face wash and face cream and things but…
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So I didn't do any occupational or physical...
I did yoga.
Dun dun dunn.
And today’s was like a retirement home yoga, and we spent an hour on our back rolling from side to side or pulling our legs up.
Going back to my apartment tonight to start classes tomorrow.
Not that I know what they are or where they are… But I’m sure it will come. Yes.
finaltrinity asked: I may not know you, but I really hope you recover well! :)
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This "can't smell out of one nose" thing is...
I can drink/swallow disgusting things AND breathe at the same time without having to smell or taste the disgusting things!!
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katmariew hat deinen Eintrag gerebloggt: I have found that I do not taste “sour.”
Did you taste sour before? That’s intriguing/scary if that happened as a result of your surgery!!
I did indeed taste “sour.”
I tried lime at a pho restaurant last night, and while I “know” this is what “sour” tastes like (or more like what a lime tastes like, I...
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I have found that I do not taste "sour."
How strange.
It just becomes… Bland.
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My body is very classily hating on me.
I hate physical manifestations of stress on my body.
I guess it shows that my body actually is quite weak.
katmariew asked: Hiii I hope you're feeling better <3 I think "partner" meant the same thing as friend. Translation error, I'd bet. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
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Depression comes hard when you can't do anything.
But there is so much to do, so much to be done, and time is running out, but you can’t run.
Perhaps getting off the Lamictal XR (which was also working as a emotional stabilizer as well as an anti-convulsant) was not the best idea.
December 2011
25 posts
2 tags
Hair
Funny how the largest bald spot on my head has nothing to do with my surgery, but comes simply from stress.
And there is nothing “spot” about the size of this “bald spot”…
Also, if you would just chill a little on falling out in massive quantities, hair, I would appreciate it very much.
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I cannot recognize the face in the mirror. Is this...
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Everyone is moving forward, and I feel oddly...
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So now that they somehow practically chopped my...
Except it’s strange how they only snipped at my LEFT one, but I can’t smell out of EITHER side of the nose, and every time I ask about it, the neurosurgeon practically says, “LOL YOUR OTHER SIDE WILL COMPENSATE SOONER OR LATER LOL BUT YOUR SURGERY WENT AMAZINGLY WELL” without actually telling me they woops snipped it and woops it’s not going to grow back.
Let’s...
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So we got the bill from the hospital.
$36,021.
CLASSY.
I THOUGHT THE ROOMS WERE LIKE $1000/night.
WHY DOES IT COST OVER $7000 FOR FOUR NIGHTS THE FOOD WAS NOT WORTH $3000. I AM QUITE SURE OF THIS.
I am just going to.
Pretend I didn’t see that.
Oh wait. That was just the hospital bill.
Not the actual surgery.
Hi, insurance.
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I don't know if I should feel obligated to cover...
Thankfully it’s winter now, so when I go outside- out, I would be having a hat on anyways (and shaved part of head = cold, and it’s cold with long hair), but what of when I go inside?
Like the mall or restaurants?
Right now, it just looks like I have a silver tiara on (no joke). Unless you look closely, you can’t really tell that it’s actually a band of blood-covered...
nothingleftforyoutotakeaway asked: Hoping everything goes well tomorrow. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts the entire day <3
Best time was when doctors and surgeons began...
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-6 Days?
I can’t count.
But I am back.
Well, have been back for 2 nights now, constantly oscillating between a headache in some random part of my brain or a mild high from painkiller (probably Tylenol. who knew).
I have my head sliced from past left ear almost to my right ear, 57 staples, and left frontal lobe all fortified with cement! Superhuman yet?
Apparently when they went in to cut the AVM...
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0 Days
I am so hungry and thirsty and I smell curry…
But I’m not allowed to eat or drink anything, and it’s only 4:20am.
I just wanted to repeat that I love you all, and thank you for all the support and encouragements you have given me in the course of this past half year.
A lot of it were like nightmares and dark tunnels and just a lot of “Why am I here? What am I supposed to...
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So long, farewell Auf Weidersehen, goodbye I leave and heave A sigh and say goodbye Goodbye I’m glad to go I cannot tell a lie I flit, I float I fleetly flee, I fly
whimsycitygirl asked: ヒロコ (ヒーちゃん)へ、It's frustrating, because I know I haven't been on that much but I have been thinking about you these past few days and. Please know that you will be in my thoughts. I am hoping the best for you. ♥♥♥モウたんより。
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@emryssa @syrentime @getthesalt @tug_of_worm...
Thank you guys so much I almost (almost) teared up and I am going to print this (if my mom ever gets off the desktop) and put it in my little duffel bag filled with nothing because my life is defined by electronics and I can’t have electronics fuck clothing I need my electronics. ;~;
I am so glad I got to meet all of you in the past few years, and you guys definitely have been one of the...
incognito--amadeus asked: Just wanted to say, even though my religiosity is currently on the fence, I am praying for you. I hope tomorrow goes well. Good luck Hiroko.
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Mom: Put up on Facebook that you're going in for surgery tomorrow so you won't be able to return calls or texts until you get out.
Me: Why on Facebook?
Mom: You were getting A LOT of texts today!
Me: That wasn't from Facebook.
Mom: It's not?
Me: People on Facebook don't even know I exist.
Mom: Well tell those people that aren't from Facebook that you're going in for surgery tomorrow.
Me: They know.
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I'm sorry I don't smile enough.
I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable.
I’m sorry if my existence makes you feel uncomfortable.
I’m sorrry if the fact that I have this illness makes it difficult to approach me or talk to me.
It will all be over soon.
The drug they are using to knock me out is the one Michael Jackson overdosed on. At least I know it works.
Anonymous asked: this might cheer you up: sm14133780 at niconico
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3 Days
I just want a tight, long hug.
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4 Days
Got a haircut.
We will have to fix it after they shave a line from the top of the head down to near my ear under my hairline, but for now, this is much better than having to shave my whole head like they had initially told me.
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5 Days
I just want to sleep all day. Allll dayyyyy.
85% chance the surgery will be ‘successful.’ X% chance that I will come back as the same person I am now.
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6 Days
Crisis averted. The instructor misunderstood the policies about finishing classes.
Thank god.
Now I can actually come back to school next semester.
And I finally e-mailed the apartment complex about having an exception to stay in my apartment next semester while technically being a “part time student.” They want a letter or e-mail from my neurologist, but that should be easily...
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This unexpected complication in my schooling is about to make me cry and curl up in bed and never come back.
Why do you have to do this… Or rather… Why couldn’t you tell me earlier that I can’t start a new semester without finishing a class…?
I would have dropped it when I said I was going to drop it…
Agh… I don’t even know what to do...
November 2011
36 posts
1 tag
Problem #435: I just realized I forgot to actually read what the surgery’s consent form said.
Woops.
2 tags
7 Days
So which is better? Having a flat affect or becoming more irritable? I guess I would choose having a flat affect… No emotions, not caring about anything, to being more irritable… No one wants an overly irritable and angry person around.
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People try to tell me 15% isn’t that big of a percentage.
But I think they may forget that the chance of having an AVM is 1 in 100,000 people per year in America.
I had the “luck” of getting something so rare.
15% is actually not that small of a chance at all.
But regardless, if I have a stroke or a hemorrhage, I do not wish to keep on going.
I still haven’t signed the...
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Also, my mom has to be the only person who hears “hemorrhage” and writes down “hangover.”
I had to tell her what “hangover” actually means.
I don’t think she believes me.
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85% Success Rate
Things that would go in the 15% would be a stroke, hemorrhage, aneurysm (oh wait I already have that), death, etc.
So it doesn’t encompass personality change, cognitive deficiencies that may occur, mental disorders, flat affects, etc. Executive functioning impairment durr hurr hurr.
Just the actual physical aspects.
The surgery will be 3~5 hours, but apparently, but if everything goes...
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貧乏ゆすりが止まらない。
Going in to see the neurosurgeon for the first time since July (?), which was before we made the decision to have surgery.
Such efficiency.
majiens asked: Hiroko, I know you're worried about your surgery, but please try not to.You won't return as a different person, a somehow lesser person, less intelligent. Any of those things you're worrying about. The only thing that'll change after the surgery is that you won't have to worry, is every little thing gonna cause me a seizure? You're going to return just as kind, just...
2 tags
8 Days
Three more classes until I end for the semester. I wonder if most people even know why I only have a week left.